Stop it

Hey, you’ve seen advertising, right? That stuff that get in the way when you’re trying to live your life, those flashy pictures that prevent you from enjoying yourself, the things that pop up on your screen when you’re trying to read.

Yeah, advertising. Well then, you probably have an opinion on it, and that opinion probably includes a whole host of things you’d rather see less of.

What’s that? It doesn’t? You’ve got better things to be doing with your time then complaining about the state of advertising to try and get a few likes on social media, and boost your personal brand’s presence?

Oh, well good for you. I don’t, so here I am.

 

THING ONE: YOU

Brands have this weird belief that we should care about them. I don’t, and nor should you. They’re just an office full of middle-aged men, trying to convince us they’re more in line with our way of living than the office next door, full of slightly younger men who are doing the same thing via Snapchat.

The reality is, I don’t know what your brand stands for, I just know it costs 20p more than the brand next to it on the shelf, so I’ll choose that one.

 

THING TWO: MILLENNIALS

The term ‘millennials’ was invented by someone too lazy to try and make their advertising original. They thought if they could paint an entire generation with the same brush, it would make their lives easier. After all, everyone between the ages of 18 and 25 thinks the exact same things, so why wouldn’t they love the new flavours of Diet Coke?

I was sat in a meeting where someone said, “Millennials want to live for now. They want experiences, fast and forgettable, moments. They don’t care for the future.”

Not only was I sick in my mouth, but I also opened their mouth and was sick in that too. Then I looked at my savings account and realised how useless it was, as it didn’t help me experience ‘now’ in the slightest. I spent it all that night on something I can no longer remember.

 

THING THREE: VIDEOS THAT PLAY BEFORE THE VIDEO I WANT TO WATCH

I know they think that I’ll watch their content if they force me to. I know that someone has decided it appeals to the same target audience as the video I want to see. I know their research has suggested 15 seconds is the ideal amount of time to capture my attention.

But they are wrong.

Not only will I look away for that 15 seconds, but I’ll also remember the brand that tried to sell to me, and be less likely to spend money on them ever again.

The click-bait on Facebook told me there was a video of an animal doing a funny thing, and that is literally all I can think about right now. Not your advert. Not your call to action. Not you, unless you too are a dog that does something I won’t believe.

The worst ones don’t even give you a skip option, which is literally the only think I’m paying attention to.

 

THING FOUR: BRANDED CONTENT

Have you ever read any? No? Me neither. A sponsored article, a lifestyle piece that disguises itself as something interesting, only to reveal it’s actually a really long ad for a mobile phone, anything that has to include an ad hashtag to stop me believing it’s genuine.

Behave. You’re kidding yourself if you think anyone other than your mum is going to read it, and she’s only going to do it because she’s forced to love you thanks to genetics.

It’s bad, it’s boring, and I could have written it better in a sentence. Pay me money.

 

Anyway, that was it. Enjoy your weeks.

 

 

 

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